Yall last week was….something.  It was a week of me proving that once again I am not a capable, fully functioning adult yet. This week was much better and I have the distance from the situation last Friday to laugh at the absolute train wreck that day turned out to be. So if you too have had a rough week, have a read below and maybe I can make you feel better about yourself, and just maybe you can have a little giggle at my expense. I don’t mind.

Wednesday night I decided to update my phone to the latest iOs16 for iPhone. I had to update my computer first before I could update my phone and once that was done I set up my phone to download and went to bed around midnight thinking all would be well.  I took JJ to the truck early, EARLY that morning for him to go load at the mill in Tuscaloosa, and came back home bleary-eyed to find that my update had crashed out.  I set it to download again and went to grab a few more hours of sleep. Upon waking up to get Allie ready for school I saw that my phone was about ½ way through and think oh well if it’s not ready by the time I leave to go to work I’ll leave it here, no biggie, it will be done by lunch.  Lunch rolls around and THE PHONE IS STILL NOT UPDATED. 

Yall.  It was well and truly locked up.  I tried to do a force restart and was informed that if I went forward with that option I would have to “brick my phone.”  Meaning I would have to restart it, which would reset the phone back to the original factory settings and cause me to lose everything.  Completely not an option.

Oh, yea and did I mention that the hamburger patties I ordered from Sysco on Tuesday did not come in on the truck Thursday morning when they made their delivery to the restaurant at work? Yes, that happened too.  We were having a hamburger supper Saturday night and those were the patties for the church supper. 

So here I sat with an extremely expensive nonworking phone and no hamburger patties. I went to lunch, tried to clear my head, my karma, my aurora, whatever was causing this disturbance in the force and started working on my phone after finding a repair program from a company online. Supposedly it would fix the issue with my phone without losing any data. In the meantime, the Sysco rep was trying to figure out how to keep me from killing him, and to top it off, the CPA found a simple error I had made on the end of the month report. 

(There is a liquor store right across the street from work. At this point, it was looking like a viable option to just move into their parking lot. I mean every liquor store needs the requisite friendly hobo that asks for a few dollars for a tall boy right?  I mean there’s no way I could screw that up. RIGHT!? But then again this is me, I could find some way to mess it up.)

But we forbear. We trudge on and persevere. After about two hours I finally got my phone revived and working again with no loss of pics or anything and the new iOs16 was installed.  The Sysco rep called with a sort of solution for the hamburger situation: A discount food store here in town had 40 of the patties that I originally ordered and would sell them to me at cost. They come in a box of 60 which leaves me 20 short but after talking with the preacher we decided we’ll buy some different patties to make up the difference.  So that fixes that. I also got my phone fixed and thought that things were looking up.

With the exception that when I showed up at the discount food store at 5:30 Thursday night….they were closed. I thought for sure I remembered they stayed open until 6:00 pm. And there beside the door read the sign: Open from 8:00 am to 6:00 pm. Curious. No big deal they must have closed early. I just knew where I would be spending my lunch hour the next day, don’t ya know. 

Supper that night was simple, just biscuits, sausage gravy, and omelets.  I can’t mess that up and after the dud that was Thursday, I decided I needed something nonchallenging for supper. But it was as I washing dishes at about 10:00 pm jamming out to the new Jackson Wang album while wearing my new snazzy Bluetooth wireless headphones (5Below thank you for $7.50 electronics that are actually pretty nice) I realized something important…

I had never gone Monday and picked up Allie’s new retainer from the Orthodontist in Starkville Monday morning. Brilliant Lana.  Just brilliant. No problem though I’ll call them in the morning and see if Momma can pick it up for me.  I go to bed. 

Got up Friday morning and took JJ to the truck at 6:00 am. He put his road cooler in my car with leftovers to put in the fridge at home. And me? I just walked on in the door and got Allie up to get ready for school and never thought a thing more about the cooler or the food. I got her lunch packed and some breakfast made and sent her on to school (she catches a ride with a neighbor up the street to the bus stop about 10 minutes away.) I sat down to watch the news with Amos dog in my lap and fell asleep! I ran out the door on time (I only snoozed for a few minutes but still had time to grab a quick shower and do my hair and makeup.) As I was driving to work I caught a glimpse of something in the rearview mirror and realized with Homer Simpson clarity that DOH! I had forgotten all about that damn cooler. I decided to simply put the cold stuff in the fridge at work (it was all still cold), made myself a cup of coffee, and prayed I could make it through the day without doing something else stupid. 

Honestly, at that point, I was scared to do much because I might blow the office up with a stapler or something equally ridiculous. 

At lunch, I set off for the discount grocery store to be met once again with a locked door, no lights, and a closed store. To say I was livid was an understatement. I’ve only got 30 minutes for lunch that day so I race to the house disgusted and irritated with the universe in general and make myself a quick ham and cheese biscuit with the leftovers from the previous night and hotfoot it back to work cursing a blue streak the entire way. In my infinite crabbiness and annoyance, I threw my keys in the center console like I do when I pull up at home, locked the door, slammed it shut, and immediately said, “Where are my keys?” Upon peeking into the window and seeing my jaunty keyring sitting in the center console I almost completely lost my composure. I stomped into work and called JJ to tell him that he would have to come home and pick Allie up from the bus as I had locked my keys in my car in an absolute fit of brilliance. I hung up with him and called my Sysco rep and asked how in the world I was supposed to pick up these hamburgers when I couldn’t manage to catch the store open. He apologized and called the store owner. Come to find out the owner’s grandmother had passed away the weekend before and they were having her wake that Friday and her funeral the next day. But he assured me she could meet me around five so I could pick up the burgers. I sent a message at 4:30 and asked if it was still okay for her to meet me at say 5:15. I would leave directly from work and meet her to pick up and pay for the burgers. Sure thing. Good deal. See you then.

I pull up to the stop sign in front of the store at 5:15 and I look down to see I have a text message from the store owner. “Hi, could you meet me in an hour? We are just now leaving and I don’t have the keys.” At this point, I don’t expect anything less from this week and I tell her sure just let me know when is a convenient time and I turn around and head back to my house to wait around for an hour. An hour later I’m back at this store for the third time in two days and the owner isn’t there, her mother is. She unlocks the door, we step inside, the lady cocks her head, looks at me, and asks, “Now what are you here for?” I sighed in defeat and said, ”I’m here to pick up the hamburgers.” She opens a chest freezer against the wall and says, “Do YOU know where they are?”

Honestly? Is this some sort of candid camera show?

“No ma’am I have no idea where the frozen hamburgers are that ____ was supposed to set aside for me. I haven’t been in this store in years.” She tells me to let her have a look around and see if she could find them. It’s not that big of a store. She looks up as she’s poking through an upright freezer and asks, “Do you know if they are in a bag or a box?”

I look to the ceiling hoping to find some thread of self-control or maybe even a benevolent higher power to give me strength. “No ma’am.”

She continues to look at me, confused, and then says we probably need to call ____ but I don’t have my phone do you have a phone?” I told her I did out in my car and I would be right back. I walked in and asked the lady what ___’s number was and she just looked at me like how dare I not have his lady’s number. We ended up calling her phone and confirming where the hamburgers were located and the price. I asked if would she prefer a check or card and she looked at me as if I had committed a cardinal sin by offering to write a check and said that a card would be preferable as they DID NOT TAKE CHECKS. I sighed, swiped my card, and left with 40 of the most disagreeable frozen hamburgers I had ever borne witness to in my entire life. Hamburgers procured, crisis adverted.

Happy Friday friends! We made it, even those of us that probably need a full-time keeper and an evaluation of our lives after a questionable effort to be an adult. Until next time! 

P.S. I also forgot to pay the water bill. It was only a day late but still. ;)