I quit my job.

Yes, you read that right.

I quit my job of 9 years and 5 months (but who’s counting.) I left a profession of which I held two state licenses (and you can bet your cute little bootie I’ll be hanging on to those.) and 14 years’ experience to go to work at a job of which I have little knowledge…basically. I do have some product knowledge, but I’ve never done accounts receivable or payable or payroll, etc. Said job though is 2 miles from my house which literally blows my mind.

I’ve never lived or worked in the same place, ever. I grew up on a farm 30 minutes from town and even though I moved to town after I got married, I’ve never worked in this town in the 15 years I’ve been married. I’ve worked in 2 different towns 45 minutes away driving an average of 70 miles a day round trip. This makes for a very long day in the car driving an hour and a half 5 days a week, every week. Couple this with a very stressful customer service job at a very busy insurance company and you ultimately get a very stressed, very tired, very burnt-out girl.

While there were pockets of time to do things at night, they were few and far between especially during the school year when we left the house around 7:00 am and got home around 6:00 pm and with me wanting Allie in the bed at 9:00 pm we only had about 3 hours a night together. And even with her going to bed at 9:00 pm I just didn’t have the mental or physical initiative to take advantage of what time I did have to get up and do much of anything productive. Because honestly, I was just mentally so burnt out. I was giving so much of myself at work every day there just wasn’t very much of me left at the end of the day for myself much less for anyone else. I am not a naturally outgoing person and am a true introvert down to my bones, so having to put on that outgoing, cheerful, and chatty persona just drains me more than any physical labor job ever could. And as a girl that has spent the better part of her life growing up working in the hayfield in Mississippi, riding horses year-round, building fence, and working cattle I can assure you I have a pretty good understanding of physical labor. I finally told myself that I needed to start looking for something else. Life is too short to spend stressed and tired 24/7. I was lucky enough that I was referred by two different people for my new job and even luckier that I was given the opportunity to interview and be hired. This is another office job, but at a local manufacturing company that is privately owned. I’m hoping this change will allow me more time with my daughter, more time for art, and writing, and sewing, and horses, etc, etc. and at the end of the day to just feel more like myself.

I took two weeks off between the end of my old job and starting the new job. I quit the Friday before Allie’s last day of school the next Wednesday so I didn’t want to start before then. My new boss said to just take the following week off and spend some time with my daughter before starting work there.. I wasn’t going to argue with that. I haven’t had more than 5 days off in a stretch in probably 10 years so 2 weeks seemed like a veritable eternity. And we, Allie and I, made the most of it. We finished up Allie’s school year (All A honor roll baby! And most improved student which still baffles her and me as she has consistently made all As and Bs this year but this entire year has been confusion as far as school went, so whatever) signed up with our new school, got the horses trimmed, and spent some time with my dad the first week. The second week I proceeded to deep clean my house. I wanted a clean start in my life literally and figuratively. I cleaned out my closet, rearranged my kitchen, threw away loads of junk, chopped off the bushes in front of my house, and observed the Memorial Day holiday with friends at the lake. I just generally took some time to clean up my living space and my head space. I want this to be a fresh new start for my life going forward and to do that I wanted to shed some stuff and junk from my life that no longer makes me happy or brings me joy. No I’m not gonna Marie Kondo everything, but you know what I mean.

For the last few years I’ve just been in survival mode as that was all the energy I had. Between work and Covid and school it was the sort of stress that affects your sleep and leaves you feeling exhausted all the time no matter how much you rest. But I am already feeling so, so much better. My house is cleaner, not perfect, but getting there. I have so many sewing plans and of course art and writing plans for the future.  I’ve had some time to just write out what I want to do, make lists, take stock of what I have and what I don’t as far as my sewing and crafting stash goes (news flash I could start a craft store with my dragon hoard 😊.) I’m feeling so energized and inspired to create for the first time in a long time. Heck fire, I’m even reading again. I read Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka over Memorial Day weekend – weirdly apropos that I would randomly pick this to read as it eerily relates to the current American work culture. I’m currently reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig and Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. And of course, I’m always reading online comics because it makes me happy and reading doesn’t always have to be this intellectual, highbrow exercise. Sometimes you just need some fun in your life. I’m looking at you Midnight Poppy Land and Lore Olympus.

Was this an easy decision? In some ways yes and in some ways no. Long story short I really honestly felt like I needed this change in my life. It’s never easy to leave the familiar for the unknown. Oftentimes change is scary and turns your world upside down in the worst way possible. Humans are creatures of habit for the most part, but sometimes change is welcome and necessary and needed for growth. It’s never easy to leave a job/profession you’re good at to start from scratch all over again at a new place having to learn a new set of skills, but you can’t let the fear of failure keep you in a place that doesn’t allow you to grow and change. The worst thing you can do is to stay in the same situation expecting different results. You’ll never know what else you could do if you don’t try.

Maybe it’s the midlife crisis that often times accompanies turning 40 or just maybe this was the direction the good Lord opened up for me.  Either way I wake up every day feeling more rested and ready for the day. Ready to learn something new and not dreading what I have to do that day. For that I am thankful and appreciative for the doors that opened and the people that made this all possible.

Henry David Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” While honestly I do think Thoreau might have had it figured out by deciding to live in the woods having no contact with the outside world, just sitting, writing, chopping wood, and fishing I’ll take a different job, a shorter commute, a later wake up alarm, and time to live my life thank you. And before anyone brings up money, well money isn’t everything. This was never about money to be honest. It was about the quality of my life. The quality of my daughter’s and my family’s life and the ability to once again not let my job run my life, but maybe let a job just be a job and have enough head space and energy to live a life that makes me happy.

Here's to new beginnings my lovelies. May they be the fresh new ground you need to grow a new phase of life.